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HE: I'm a
photographer
I've been
looking
for a face
like
yours!
SHE: I'm a
plastic
surgeon.
I've been
looking
for a face
like
yours!!
HE: I
think I
could make
you very
happy
SHE: Why?
Are you
leaving?
HE: Do you
think it
was fate
that
brought us
together?
SHE: Nah,
it was
plain bad
luck!!!
HE: May I
have the
pleasure
of this
dance?
SHE: No,
I'd like
to have
some
pleasure
too!!!
HE: Where
have you
been all
my life?
SHE:
Hiding
from you.
HE: How
did you
get to be
so
beautiful?
SHE: I
must have
been given
your
share!!!
HE:
Haven't I
seen you
someplace
before?
SHE: Yes,
thats why
I don't go
there
anymore.
HE: Is
this seat
empty?
SHE: Yes,
and this
one will
be if you
sit down .
HE: Will
you come
out with
me this
Saturday?
SHE:
Sorry! I'm
having a
headache
this
weekend!!!
HE: What
would you
say if I
asked u to
marry me?
SHE:
Nothing. I
can't talk
and laugh
at the
same
time!!!
HE: Can I
have your
name?
SHE: Why,
don't you
already
have one?
HE: Shall
we go and
see a
film?
SHE: I've
already
seen it!!!
HE: Go on,
don't be
shy. Ask
me out!
SHE: Okay,
get out!
Middle age
is when
your broad
mind and
your
narrow
waste
change
places.
At twenty
we worry
about what
others
think of
us; at
forty we
don't care
about what
others
think of
us; at
sixty we
discover
they
haven't
been
thinking
about us
at all.
Inside
every
older
person is
a younger
person
wondering
what the
heck
happened
To me, old
age is
always
fifteen
years
older than
I am.
The main
thing
wrong with
the
younger
generation
is that we
aren't in
it.
For the
first half
of your
life,
people
tell you
what you
should do;
for the
second
half, they
tell you
what you
should
have done.
Yo mama so
stupid
that when
she went
to sleep
she put a
ruler next
to her to
see how
LONG she
slept.
Yo mamma's
teeth so
yellow
that when
she smiles
all the
cars slow
down.
Yo mama so
stupid
that she
puts
lipstick
on her
head just
to make-up
her mind
Yo mama so
stupid it
took her 2
hours to
watch 60
minutes
Yo mama so
stupid
when she
saw the
NC-17
(under 17
not
admitted)
sign, she
went home
and got 16
friends
Yo mama so
stupid
when your
dad said
it was
chilly
outside,
she ran
outside
with a
spoon
Yo mama so
stupid she
told
everyone
that she
was
"illegitiment"
because
she
couldn't
read
Yo mama so
stupid she
hears it's
chilly
outside so
she gets a
bowl
Yo mama so
stupid she
got locked
in a
grocery
store and
starved!
Yo mama so
stupid
that she
tried to
put M&M's
in
alphabetical
order!
Yo mama so
stupid she
could trip
over a
cordless
phone!
Yo mama so
stupid she
sold her
car for
gasoline
money!
Yo mama so
stupid she
bought a
solar-powered
flashlight!
Yo mama so
stupid she
thinks a
quarterback
is a
refund!
Yo mama so
stupid she
asked you
"What is
the number
for 911"
Yo mama so
stupid
when she
read on
her job
application
to not
write
below the
dotted
line she
put "O.K."
Yo mama so
stupid she
stole free
bread.
Yo mama so
stupid she
took a
spoon to
the
superbowl.
Yo mama so
stupid she
thought
she needed
a token to
get on
Soul
Train.
Yo mama so
stupid she
sits on
the TV,
and
watches
the couch!
Yo mama so
stupid
that she
thought
Boyz II
Men was a
day care
center.
Yo mama so
stupid she
bought a
videocamera
to record
cable tv
shows at
home.
Yo mama so
stupid
when she
went to
take the
44 bus,
she took
the 22
twice
instead.
Yo mama so
stupid she
took a
umbrella
to see
Purple
Rain.
A diplomat
is someone
who can
tell you
to go to
hell in
such a way
that you
look
forward to
the trip
School: A
place
where Papa
pays and
Son plays.
Life
Insurance:
A contract
that keeps
you poor
all your
life so
that you
can die
Rich.
Nurse: A
person who
wakes u up
to give
you
sleeping
pills.
Marriage:
It's an
agreement
in which a
man loses
his
bachelor
degree and
a woman
gains her
masters.
Divorce:
Future
tense of
Marriage.
Compromise
: The art
of
dividing a
cake in
such a way
that
everybody
believes
he got the
biggest
piece.
Conference
Room : A
place
where
everybody
talks,
nobody
listens
and
everybody
disagrees
later on.
Father: A
banker
provided
by nature.
Criminal:
A guy no
different
from the
rest....except
that he
got
caught.
Boss:
Someone
who is
early when
you are
late and
late when
you are
early.
Politician
: One who
shakes
your hand
before
elections
and your
Confidence
after.
Doctor : A
person who
kills your
ills by
pills, and
kills you
by bills.
Classic:
Books,
which
people
praise,
but do not
read.
Smile : A
curve that
can set a
lot of
things
straight.
Office: A
place
where you
can relax
after your
strenuous
home life.
Yawn: The
only time
some
married
men ever
get to
open their
mouth.
Etc .: A
sign to
make
others
believe
that you
know more
than you
actually
do.
Experience:
The name
men give
to their
mistakes.
Atom Bomb
: An
invention
to end all
inventions.
Honk if
parts fall
off
Keep
honking...
I'm
reloading
(the gun)!
Beer...
now
cheaper
than
gasoline...
so don't
drive...
drink!
Stupidity
is not a
handicap;
park
elsewhere!
Answer my
prayers...
Steal this
car!
I still
miss my
ex-husband,
but my aim
is
improving
Wife and
dog
missing;
reward for
dog
My wife
gives me
sound
advice;
99% sound,
1% advice
Love him
like a
king;
train him
like a dog
Behind
every
successful
man is a
surprised
woman!
We need to
talk, so
don't
interrupt!
I don't
know what
I'd do
without
her, but
I'd sure
like to
find out |
